lovaliss's Diaryland Diary

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Knife + ghetto = Bad Maggie

I often thought that the people on Maury Povitch or Montel were fakes.

No...they're not. Because I am surrounded with these people.

It is essential that I ask our investigators the following things:

1) Have you ever killed anybody?
2) Are you on parole? Probabtion?
3) When did you get out of rehab?
4) Are your children in state care?

Because almost everybody has been a hustler at some point and almost everybody grew up in a gang and every woman I know is trying to get her kid/s back from foster care.

Some days I hate this so bad I think of ways to hurt myself to get sent home.

Other days I like it :)

Arthur stopped in and surprised me! It was so great! We took all sorts of pictures! He showed me pictures on his camera from New York and all that stuff. It was so great to see everyone. DAMN IT! IT WAS GREAT! HELL! DAMN! SHHHHHIIIII...

I had a weird week.

Wait till you here this it involves me in the ghetto and a woman with a knife...keep reading!

We have this investigator, it's Tony's cousin actually. Her name is Maggie. She is CRAZY! But I didn't know that. Tony just called me up one night and told me that his cousin moved to town and wants to get baptized and hear abotu the church. I'm thinking, "Great! this is perfect!" So we go over the next day and he's not there, she said he went to the hospital and hasn't been back since last night because there's a huge lump under his throat that might be cancer. But when we asked her what hosptial she didn't know and I started to think this was getting sketchy. Well these two black kids from "the hood" were getting baptized so I thought it was perfect to take Maggie to it so she could she how it worked and maybe she'd feel something there and all that stuff. WELL, the baptism didn't go through and the car ride to it is where it got weird.

First of all she tells me the follwoing information:

1) She's killed 2 people before, paralyzed 2 others, and left one in a coma. (She was in a gang growing up.)
2) She's always "so mad she wants to kill anyone that makes her mad..."
3) "She tried to kill the social worker with a knife in Minnesota(sp?) before moving out here."
4) She was supposed to go to anger managment courses but got put in the state hospital before she could.

So here I am in the car with her and she keeps tlaking about wanting to get her son back.

Yeah...uh...yeah.

So then the baptism falls through, not before she's freaking out on me and telling me she's never been in a church before and so it's weirding her out and that she is afraid of water because she had a boyfriend once who tried to drown her.

So.

We take her to a ward bbq with a lot of other black members so she knows that a variety of people are in the church.

By the end of it she's talking about commiting suicide and how she's tried before. She gets up and walks around back of the hosue and my companion found her out back picking up shards of glass to cut her writst with!

AHHH!!

Everyone is like, "Is that your investigator..."

I just smile kind of freaked out like,

We get home and she runs into the house and we follow her. She opens up this suitcase full of perscription drugs.

Me and my companion have NO clue what to do. So while my companion is calling all the hospitals in the city I'm saying in this creepy calm voice,
"Maggie is there anyting I can do to help," she's dumping the bottles into her hand and filling up a huge cup of water.
"Maggie, did something happen this afternoon that made you feel like this?"

She says, "Yeah...I looked at pictures of my son."

"Okay Maggie, well if you want to be with your son, why would you kill yourself?"
"Maggie, we'll find you a job...we'll get your son back..." I'm LYING just to get her to not kill herself.

Then I say, "Maggie, what will happen if Tony comes home and you're dead?"

"I don't know..." she's still starring at the pills and drinking her water really intently.

"Maggie, we care about you, Tony cares about you, your son cares about you...we dont' want you to do this..."

She runs into the kitchen. My companion looks at me and says, go get the pills out of her hand.

I say to her, "Hell NO! I'm not going back there! She'll beat me up!"

THEN she walks out of the kitchen holding an 8 inch serated KITCHEN KNIFE!

I'm standing in the living room and I see it and it's like everything is just slow. It's like it really wasn't happening. She walks over to the window and peaks out of the blinds as if she's checking for witnesses. But somehow I kept really calm on th eoutside. But she is pacing around the living room with this HUGE knife! It might as well ahve been a butcher knife!!!! IT WAS HUGE!! My companion looks over sees the knife and puts the phone down mid-ring. Maggie is still out of it and pacing around the room, she walks back into the kitchen and I turn to my compaion and mouith, "We've gotta go!"

We grab our backpacks and say all cheerful and calm like, "We've gotta go Maggie, we'll give you a call tomorrow to check on you! BYE!"

As we got back to our apartment that's when I freaked out. That's when I turned to my companion and yelled, "ARE YOU SERIOUS! ARE YOU SERIOUS! DID THAT JUST HAPPEN! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED! I CAN'T DO THIS!"

I was in so much shock that we laughed until we cried. I just kept saying, "Are you kidding me...this is what they ask of me...this is too much. These peopel are crazy. THEY'RE ALL CRAZY!

And I was so pissed off and so mad and so frustrated and so freaked out...and I was in the shower and i Just kept imaging how it would be to just give up and come home...

And I woke up the next morning and I prenteded to jump over the bridge onto the freeway and my companion pulled me off, and I was joking of course, but a little bit serious. we were both down that day. We joked about all the different ways we could get sent home.

Then all the sudden something just hit me, this was on Sunday, and it was around 10ish in the morning, and all the sudden this feeling just hit me and washed over me and immediately I said, "Okay...I'm alright now!" And I really was. And I was ready to get back to work and was happy to do it. It was weird, and I still dont' know what it was, but something got through to me and instead of saying, "This is too much get me out..." I was thinkingk, "This is great, I"ll never get adventure quite like this!!!"

Also I am teaching George now, he lives in a half way house and can't get baptized until he get's of parole next year. He is white, has a shaved head and one gold hoop earring in his left ear.

What a life.

5:18 p.m. - 2005-09-15

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