lovaliss's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A car accident I've never actually ridden in an ambulance before...until this week. I've never actually known what it feels like to be taken out of a car on a stretcher by large firemen. Nor have I ever known what it feels like to have the sun blind me while being removed from a car and leave the firemen as shadowy outlines against the glare. Until this week. I've never actually been hit by a woman going 45 mph while waiting at a stop light, until this week. I've never been so angry at everything, until this week. And I've never been so high on lortab...oh yes I have, when I got my wisdom teeth out, but this week was one of those too. I've never had so many missionaries visit me and bring me treats and all sorts of other things to make up for the fact that we totaled a mission car, none of it being our fault. The story: We're waiting at the stop light, a man right next to us and his wife are waiting also. A woman comes flying down the road and instead of hitting the man in front of her swerves and slams into us. At that moment our car flies out into traffic, but it has all disappeared, the traffic coming across has opened up and we shoot through. We scrape across the intersection stopping about 100 yards from our starting point. As we get across, the traffic comes again. It's like Moses was standing by our car and he opened up the Red Sea while we shot across. Funny thing is that the metal stabbed the tires...but the car kept moving. It felt like there was a bull dozer behind us pushing us across the intersection. It was a weird feeling. As I laid strapped to the stretcher at the hopstial I thought about a lot of things. Mostly about how different hospitals look when you only see the ceiling. I thought about the night my brother died in the hospital and how every stretcher that rolled by filled me with fear...I was afraid it would be him and they'd tell me he was dead...or that I would see him and not recognize him. As I was rolled down the hopsital hallway I wondered if there was an 11 year old girl's heart jumping out of her chest every time they rolled me past a room...I felt sorry if there was. And when it was dark and quiet in the x-ray room that's when the tears started to trickle out of my eyes. And because my head was strapped down and the neck brace was so "bracing", I couldn't move an inch, so the tears ran straight back into my ears. In that moment I thought,"God is in charge." And I hated it. I wish I were in charge. And that's why I cried, because I'm stubborn and I know it. They took me to a Methodist hopsital on a Sunday, the nurse walked in to find me crying and I said, "I'm not crying because it hurts...I'm crying because I'm frustrated with my life..." Suddenly I was spilling my guts to this woman. I said, "You don't know what it's like to be a Mormon missionary...sometimes I just want to die. Sometimes I hope I die and they send me home...it's hard..." She didn't respond. I realized later how weird it was that I said that. HAHA especially being strapped down to the stretcher like I was. But something inside of me gave in this week. Some stubborn part of me that I've desperately been clutching, gave into the fact that no matter what I do, I can't be "successful" on my own rights. And I feel happier and less angry than I've felt in a long time. And I stopped taking lortab and I feel fine now. Also we found out that the woman in the car next to us that shoudl have been hit is 6 months pregnant, and if they had been hit the second before us, they would have been shot out into traffic that was still there. Interesting how that all works out. 2:35 p.m. - 2005-09-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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