lovaliss's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Soup kitchen/Seminary King I woke up at 7 am this morning which has left me really really tired all day. But it was for a good reason. Today has been my Good Samaritan day. I went to the soup kitchen and served breakfast. I wondered if I'd be scared of all the crazies and then I'd have to force myself to be friendly. I was genuinely friendly the majority of the time and I didn't have a hard time saying, 'Good morning! Do you want any eggs? Bacon?" I enjoyed myself immensely meeting all the crazies in fact and watching them interact in this sub-culture world they live in. It was bizarre and so intriguing. Some were overtly crazy. Other's just had a weird look. A man wearing a yellow rain coat kept giggling in spurts that startled me, because I didn't expect him to laugh. He was also very helpful to the man wearing a funny sweatshirt with a silly design on it...which I can't remember now what it looked like, but it was silly...and the sweatshirt said to the rain coat in a droopy the dog sort of way, "Thank you...you're a good person..." and the man of course just giggled. The giggling raincoat is homosexual in my mind...which could be inaccurate but I kind of sensed that. Brenda talked about who pimped who over frying eggs and explained to Meegan how to tell when someone is on Meth. I served bacon and eggs and thought about how I pray for humility. A little boy came in with his mom, they were both completely normal and the boy was thrilled when he found two snack packs of cheese and crackers in the food bins. I thought about how I look to clean and bright compared to them. Brenda is overweight, she wears glasses and has permed curly hair that is blonde. She also can make perfectly circular fried eggs and pancakes. She is good with the people, good in a way that I can never be simply because I'm too bright...they don't trust me I think, because I don't know how it feels to suffer the way they do. She knows all their names and their stories. She recognizes when they're gone, she finds out from the other's where they've gone to. I'm glad their are people like Brenda in the world. I thought about the new clothes I bought last week and regretted it as I served eggs and bacon, sometimes I get numbed to the point I don't feel compassion because I'm too busy. I wasn't too busy today to feel compassion. I said prayers silently as I dribbled yoke from the pan to the trays. I thought about how I will bring my kids to places like this when they are young to do simple jobs on Saturday mornings. This will teach them compassion and love in a way that telling them about it couldn't. I want them to be the kind of people that are involved and knowledgable about society. Not disconnected from what happens in the world. But they might cry. It reminds me of "The Chosen" and how the father teaches the son to know what it feels to suffer because that kind of real hurt stays with somebody, it shapes them and digs down into their heart. Later I went to the disabled children's seminary. I acted as the voice of a girl today that could not talk. Her hands were twisted and gnarled and she would rock back and forth violently. At one point she grabbed my hair and pulled hard, the teacher had to set me free. I didn't say much while I was there because I was too overwhelmed with feeling. The director called me into his office after the hour was over and asked me how it went. I started to cry. I still can't explain why I cried or why of all I was feeling that was what came out. I don't know that I was sad so much as I just FELT. It was draining, I had to go home and sleep because it sucked the life out of me, but not in a bad way, I just think my insides aren't used to feeling as much as they did today. One boy explained a scripture in the purest and deepest way I had ever heard. I almost cried in a good way from that, he was precious. He was role playing that he was the king. He had a Burger King crown on, a blanket around his shoulders, and a ruler as his septor. He told me to ask him if I could go spread the gospel as a missionary. So I said, "King, can I go on a mission for you?" And he said, "Yes, spread the word and take this," he handed me the scriptures. He was a beautiful boy. 4:49 p.m. - 2005-05-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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