lovaliss's Diaryland Diary

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-Denver trip

I think everyobe else had a better time on the Denver trip than I did.

Although there were times that were fun and very funny...

Like Meg innocently harassing Evan, and Evan being so weirded out and confused by her...and saying things like, "You indie kids are weird. I don't get it...why is that funny?"

And then we'd laugh and laugh and laugh.

Karl beckoned Evan to join the "higher road of humor" and Evan retorted with, "It's not funny to me."

He also didn't know who Che Guevara was, which he should have because he put on Morgan's camoflauge dew rag (wondering about that statment...I don't blame you!) and he was a striking resemblance.

He also said that we "indie kids" got tired at the same time and hyper at the same time and that it was weird. I guess this proves that we are ticking on our own "special" biological clocks. This also means that we are something more than just friends...which I say jokingly and seriously, there really is something more to this group of friends than any other group of friends I've ever known.

I agree with everything Chaunte and Meg said about our friends...read their last entries.

But I felt stressed for a lot of the trip and maybe that was because I was too worried about everybody having fun and getting along and having their needs met. I think I felt that pressure because I know Sevren better and seperately of everybody else, so I felt kind of like the mediator to make sure that the two groups Seve vs. Evan vs. Ok Ikumi were all having their expectations of the trip met.

But I screwed that up big time.

Seve and I got into a ridiculous fight.

A sneak peak of a few lines that were said are as follows:

Seve: "YOU'RE A BABY!!!"
Me: "I don't think your jokes are funny, in fact I just think they're weird and mean."
Seve: "I know I'm weird, you don't have to point it out, I know I'm weird and not funny...thanks for saying that. YOU'RE A BABY!"
Me: "No, you're a baby. I seriously think that, I'm not just saying it. You're a baby."
Seve: "You're mean and selfish! You didn't let me listen to your music on the way up and you only care about what you want to do..."

NOTE: He asked to listen to my headphones, I complied, he handed them back over to me 15 minutes later saying they didn't work very well. So I put them on to see what the problem was and they worked fine, so I just kept listening. He said that I didn't boys very well, because when he said that that meant that I was supposed to fix it and then let him keep listening.

Me: "I let you listen to my music!"
Seve: "You're still mean."
Me: "You're mean! You say rude things to me so what do you expect, if you're mean to people they'll be mean back to you...what do you expect...
Seve: "For you not me mean..."
ME: "well then...don't be mean in the first place."

It was ridiculous and childish and I couldn't believe the things I was saying. I was also really embaressed that this fight was happening in front of the Denver girl Angeline that was there with us.

But my childish explosion came from built up frustration at Sevren, I really did see a side of him on this trip that I didn't know was there. Which seeing how I know him better than the rest of the people on the trip I think I was more annoyed. I think everyone else was just like, "Oh, this must be how he is..." But I know how he is and his actions were really surprising me, annoying me, and pissing me off for stupid reasons. Mostly I was just frustrated with his incompetance and inability to make things happen. He would just sit there pouting about not having a PA to play on instead of going to talk to somebody about what they needed to do to work it out to get one. It was his show, so he should be able to talk to people about what needs to happen.

But underneath it all, I also feel really bad because I see that mostly he just has no confidence. Which I didn't know before this trip. That shouldn't disgust me, which when I recognize it in it's truest form, it doesn't, it makes me feel sad and I think I'm a jerk for pushing his buttons like that. He just felt overwhelmed and incapable...I didn't need to point that out.

I'll let it settle down for a week or so and then go make it up to him.

4:08 p.m. - 2005-05-16

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