lovaliss's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A new leaf to patch up my pulled groin It's not you...it's me. Really. That's why we have to break up. I realized something this week: Sherrie Valentine got baptized. Everybody patted me on the back after she came out of the water. I went home that night and was no different because of it. It does not matter how many people I baptize on my mission...there must be something more to this. There has to be more feeling in this somewhere...because if I can't find it then this will be one hellish year and a half. And I need to find that. And that starts with me letting go of home more... *Chorus of "Awwwww, but we LOVE your diaryland!" Which means that I don't think I'll get on diaryland anymore. I have one foot at home and one foot in the mission and it is ripping my groin to pieces! I thought I could handle knowing what was going on at home and that it didn't distract me because I don't get homesick. Which I still have never been homesick once. BUT, I think I have been fully distracted this entire time as to conclude that I don't actually know HOW it feels to NOT be distracted. I've been disillusioned this entire time. I was in denial. You ask me if I was distracted and I would have punched you in the belly button and kissed your left butt cheek to prove I wasn't. But I'm going to give this whole "obedience" thing a try and see if I can't find a little bit more meaning in my life and mission. If it doesn't work I'll be back in a couple of months writing on this thing and I'll beg for forigveness and promise to make it up to you all night long... 1:41 p.m. - 2005-10-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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